Ain't NOTHING easy about Sunday morning...

Saturday, January 11, 2003

So I went to see my mail-order apartment today.
It's perfect. Just right for me.
If I gained 3 pounds, It'd be crowded...but for now, it's perfect.
I'm def-kinately grateful, God.

So God decided to get REALLY FUNNY on me again.
This wonderful place where I'll be living is apparently in Philly's 'gayest' district.
And it's less than twenty feet from "Sisters Nightclub" which is purported to be Philly's one and only lesbian nightspot.
To quote, it's the best place to have an "out girls night out"
For Joy.
Too bad I'm not gay? Or female?
We all know how I feel about homosexuality. What, with my treatises and papers on the gay condition and my matriculation at such 'gay-friendly'- institutions...
I honestly don't care, and I look forward to seeing how, if at all, this is going to affect my living experience.
I think I'm gonna upload a paper I just wrote about voluntary homosexuality...
I just haven't been presented with the right combination of evidence and intelligence to convince me that homosexuality is anything more than a coping mechanism, much like those who are fixated with 'blackness' or nationalism. And I know I sound hard and insensitive, but I love people, not practices. You're not "okay". What a lie. Nobody is. People 'come out' like it's the answer to their prayers and their life is going to be just peachy. Fine, so you want to be gay? You're gay, I'm a liar, he's a smoker, she's a thief. We still have a personal responsibility to come to grips with our fractured human nature. Nobody knows why, but in America, if you're gay, people leave you alone. Just like brooding black men get left alone, and pierced up, spiked up inkers get left alone, and even Bible thumping 'WHOREMONGER!'-screaming "Christians" get left alone. And there are some people who say they're gay who only do so to be left alone, and given some room to breathe. But that which was initially manipulated, flips the proverbial script and takes hold of the manipulator's whole life. It makes a little more sense in my paper. funny...It's a voluntary paper about voluntary homosexuality. I have no clue why I wrote it.
But it goes the same with any assertion of compartmentalized individuality. It's the kind that doesn't just assert a difference, it asserts one that cannot be reconciled to others.

I'm clearly not a gay scholar. These are my observations based on...what I've seen.
It's just like my question about Muslim/Islamic Hip Hop...I've never seen any other faith group use hip hop the way Christianity has. Does that mean that there are none who do? No. It means I don't know of them. Have I spent hours searching high and low for such groups? No. If you find them, scream at me. But don't just approach with some Muslim evangelist without understanding Christian hip hop, because the question is a comparative one. It requires an understanding of two concepts.

So I'll be living next door to a gay bar.
Big Whoop.
smells like ripe ground to me.
I'm big Christian scary black. I've got exponentially less to 'fear' than others in my position.
Watch and see what comes out of this.

Now ever'bodee scur'm

Thursday, January 09, 2003

okay dukes...
the movie works now...the link was broken.
the more I look back on pieces I've done, and watch other work by other filmmakers, I remember more and more what it is I'm here for.

wanna be shook?

that's a link to a real video clip of some Christian hip hop...if you didn't know...
it's as RAW as it if you don't like it...sorry...

i'm moving in tomorrow.
scream at me!


Tuesday, January 07, 2003

peep my latest movie

yeah...thanks Denise...
Someone just suggested that I give a disclaimer about the movie...It's doesn't exactly flatter me. But I assumed that you all would figure that out on your own...I shot it and edited it myself. If I didn't want a shot in, I had HOURS to deal with's not ME. It's me in a MOVIE...
but y'all knew that.

peep my latest movie

my movie is has several names....
"Lonely Lumberjack" is my favorite.

it was fun making it..
I did it all myself...even when I'm pretending to talk to the camera man...
It's all 100% Adam Tillman-Young holmes...

my movie

just for fun...I was getting sick of working on the documentary and not having anything current out there so I did this...

And no trees were unduly harmed...I was actually cutting down saplings for a tipi my students were building as part of their Native American module..

which reminds me of a chilling picture I once saw of these white kids in Kentucky. They were 3rd graders. And I guess kids are finally learning about slavery in school...but anyway, these kids were doing skits and RE-ENACTMENTS of slavery... a caption was "Here's Stephanie being examined for auction." and "Here Zachary is overseeing Jacob, Tyler and Mary as they pick cotton." WHOA.

That's the problem with reparations...not that the theory, spirit and idea are all wrong...but the practical application is never 'right'.

Just like Nonnie says: Take all you want, eat all you take. Come on America. The food's getting cold.

And so life goes.

how'd I get on this topic?

That's right...I was questioning the ethics of having 9 year olds build a tipi.
If the beef with Azie ever gets stirfried, I'll have to ask her if 9 year old kids on traditional South Dakotan reservations ever build bungalows and split foyers...

methinks knot


anyway, check out my movie

25 meg download, and RealOne player needed.

I'm getting sick of "God Bless". I've been dropping it forever.
"Okay now, God Bless!"
"Aight man, God Bless'
"Keep in touch duke, God Bless"
I don't own the blessing, but now it's become so...commercial.
and I was taking Echinaccea YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS before Snapple thought it would be cute to put it in a drink.
I took that junk when it was only available in LIQUID EXTRACT form. That piece of nasty used to make your mouth tingle and water for about half an hour.
But it was "good for me" so I did.
And now dudes have bombed buildings, and gotten scared, and America loves to say "God Bless..."
I can't even tell you what it means anymore.
Just like nobody knows what "God Damn" means anymore...
God Bless - good...
God Damn - bad...
but why? Just cuz.
Well I've been trying new ways to let people know that I'm asking the CREATOR OF EVERYTHING to rain blessings and excellence in their lives.

So far the winner is "Follow the Leader"
don't worry, it only sounds corny the first couple of times.

But it doesn't work on the phone.

"Okay, take care. Follow the Leader"
then you get one of those:
"Huh? What did you say??"
and then you're on the phone again for another 5 minutes, and the person you're talking to now thinks that you're trying to be self-righteous...

But I like God Bless....
but now it doesn't fall on DEAF ears, it falls on hoodwinked and bamboozled ears. Nobody knows what it means...just that I'm 'trying to be christian' or beign patriotic.

My right foot is waging war on it's the ball.

I also used to say "Holla" back when everyone thought it was stupid...but now it's all of a sudden cool?!?
Good job america...So instead of looking stupid on purpose, I look like a poser.

funny how a person can stay the same in a dynamic world, and appear to change.
Like God.

this is why the lazy Christians just wear cloaks and move off to the mountains somewhere.
It's hard work just LIVING anymore.

p e a c e
for real.

Monday, January 06, 2003

Conscious lyrics

I was too busy vibing off of Jill Scott and Gil Scott.

It’s no wonder the pills got-


And I wound up-


deeper in the matrix

You know, the time signature on these posts make me seem like a much healthier person than I am.
Too bad they're pacific and I'm eastern.

Ni Hao Ma?
Ni jiao sheng me ming ze?
Wo de ming ze shi Ya Dan.

Ni yao bu yao yi ge bin gan?

death, where is thy sting?

Sunday, January 05, 2003

why do I break down and take pounds from fake clowns?
honesty owns.
I don't care who or what...just be honest. I'm not always honest, but when I am it's great.
And when people are honest, you can tell—which means that most people lie most of the time...
and the social games, the laughter at stupid jokes, the reluctant daps, the...
it's a lie.
Bold faced...
and we know the difference.

all this is leading up to LA SYMPHONY (
their Christmas song is almost as nice as the one I did...anyway with an EMCEE TEAM OF 8 people you're BOUND to get a PERFECT verse per song...and this one comes from Joey The Jerk "yeah right" have a listen.

sorry emcees or not (i say NOT)...they're honest. And they rap about what matters to them, and there is an evolution in their rap. They may not be spiritual giants, but they represent the majority of us who are in this thing (the Christ-life) for the long haul, but still have questions. Faith comes by hearing , not heard. Peeped? And i'm not who I was yesterday. There is never an excuse for laziness or sin or should be exellence at all times...but EXCELLENCE is a frame of mind, and a's a process (

Speaking of which, go to the website and buy their LONG AWAITED EP...i know these guys personally (did a documentary peice on them) and the EP is ALBUM quality. They're already underwiegh on the full length, but the 7 track EP is only 7 BUCKS and only 50 cents shipping...outrageously cheap. COP IT. I've bought less (tracks and quality) for more$$$ at some groups' shows, and this is ONLINE....

They sound like a mix between J-Silas, Corey Red, and The Cross Movement.... nah they don't, they're better... but that's as close as I can get.... COP COP COP IT!

i'm investigating the phenomenon of organic tissue rejection....
I haven't had a transplant, but I'm fairly certain that my right little toe no longer wishes to be a part of me.
Today I was walking past a door jamb, and it wandered so far that you'd think I had offended it.
Now we're both in pain. Terrible pain.

this is corny, but it does remind me of how we stray from the body of Christ...
We think me may be hurting ourselves, but the whole shebang is in pain.


pray for the toe.

Patrick wants me to play the crime lieutennant...
it does sound fun, but MAN is the timing bad.
My camera is still in the shop, and I go back to Philly in a few days.
But who can gambol the rural backroads of dc with a fake assault rifle when there are FUTONS to move??