Ain't NOTHING easy about Sunday morning...

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Just as I Suspected

"The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary." - Vidal Sassoon

Sometimes I browse profiles online, or read away messages on my buddylist. I can't help buyt noticing that many profles and away messages contain quotes and sayings and proverbs. Call me arrogant, but it always interests me when certain people use certain quotes. Some quotes don't fit the person citing them. One guy used to religiously quote Machiavelli and Nietsche, and i KNOW he doesn't read. Another girl I know has THE MOST RANDOM quotes from RANDOM people. One day, she'll have a quote from Golda Mier, the next day she'll have a quote from Steven Tyler. Again, call me a jerk, but I'm pretty sure that this girl is not poring over Golda Mier manuscripts. Even though it happens with a good portion of my buddy list, the two people I just mentioned are people I know and have met. (uH-oH...I don't want to get TWO CERTAIN people started about whether or not there is a difference between "online friends" and the average garden variety friends.) All I mean by that is that I have had the opportunity to spend extended periods of time with those two individs and they don't strike me as people who would quote Orville Redenbacher. Who quotes Orville ReddenBOCKER??!

Well, just as I suspected, there is a


Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Should you mine these gems out for yourself?

I read a lot, and I come across some wonderful quotes, but I find that most people don't agree that they're wonderful. There also exists the peculiar temptation (most likely of PRIDE) to quote something just to let someone, anyone, know that you've read a certain body of work (When more often than not, you haven't). How silly. But I'm sure I've done it, and I know other people do it. I guess that's all you can call it--silly. is like that a lot. It's odd. What you wind up with is a conglomeration of people who would be friends with the type of person who has experienced and can cite (insert hipster noun here).

The poser is who you get. We all pose like B-Boys and B-Girls sometimes, (SUCH a RIDICULOUS pose, by the way) and it actually gets us props. But what do you do with such "friends"?

This post is a crooked one. I mean, like a crooked post tha would be rejected for house-building.

Speaking of which, I've now speant SO much time at Home Depot buying stuff for the church, that the entire Pro Desk knows my face. Today, while my LONG AND TEDIOUS ORDER was being rung-up, they carried on like I wasn't even I wasn't a customer they had to worry about losing. As a result, I'm now privy to so much gossip about Home Depot's underbelly that it's not even funny! But today, they gave me a hat. I'll take a picture in it soon. Dope hat! It's got loops on both sides for holding contractor's pencils, but guess what? I'm a they'll be holding some fat tipped uniballs in no-time.

Also, during allergy season, I honk when I blow my nose. Like an old man. I have to figure out how to NOT honk, because it has been brought to my attention that even when I excuse myself from Bible Study in the morning (often a pleasant diversion), no matter where I go, my honk can be heard. Next time, I'll go outside.

Today I walked from the house to "Headquarters" in the space of time that it took to listen to Deepspace5's "Elementary"...that's about 4 mins and 52 seconds. Well actually, it IS 4 mins and 52 secs. Anyhow, I was holding two massive 35 lb dumbells. The walk back was excruciating, and took about twice as long. It was also uphill. I imagined that I was some freak of nature Marvel comic book character who, for some reason, had these HUGE fists. When in a furious rage, these fists can punch through sheet metal, but on the day-to-day, the weigh me down...

"Mary Jane, my blessing is me curse...whiiiiiiiine....Come to my play!"

shawty swing my way, please.


p.s. I don't re-read my posts...I've been noticing more and more typos. Sorry.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Grace and Pokie

Two new puppies joined the ranch today.
Grace is the brown one.
Pokie is the black and white one.
They've only been here for a few hours and they've already decided that under my table is the the best sleeping spot.
They were cute when I started this post, but Pokie just peed. they're alseep again.

Monday, April 04, 2005

I'm Fat. This is a gross post.

Yo, it's not even funny...
this "eggs everyday" and the "miracle of coconut oil" diet my family is on has taken it's toll on me.
I'm FAT.
Like jiggles.
I'm shocked more and more each day when I spend my mirror time at what my body is looking like.
God forbid that I go to the waterpark.
Little boys might lust.

It's gross.
And no ammount of sensible excercise works!
I've been walking about 3 miles a day (i slack some days) but when I do walk, it's always at least three miles (the driveway is 1.5!
I haven't been out to play ball in a minute, but that's because i'm pooped by the end of the day.
Twice last week, I made a run to Home Depot for floor tiling materials Both times, I bought over 500lbs of dry grout or joitn compound or underlayment.

My brother Noah thinks that the beauty of the diet is that it makes you truly healthy, and not necessarily sexy-man-sexy.
But I...I want to be sexy-man-sexy.

It doesn't make any sense! AND...AND. I'm drinking at least a WHOLE gallon of water a day. And I don't eat sugar!
Or white flour.

This sucks!
But I still love myself, and I still do the "deet deet dance" on my way in and out of the shower.
When I take a shower, I freak out. Like I did when I was 4. Like my 4 year old brother does now.
I'm a different person in the shower. I host radio shows. I freestyle and lik shots.
I'm not a deep and spiritual shower person. Sometimes I write scenes in the shower.
Stop picturing me in the shower, yo...that's nasty. Literally.
Okay...don't think of pink elephants...
Right. So...
Think of me on the toilet.
I do my deep thinkng on the toilet.
I'm not like most Christians. God doesn't speak to me in the shower.
He speaks on the toilet. Isn't that gross?
Well that's when I'm mose vulnerable, I guess.
Or maybe becuase when it comes to Christ's Body of chosen believers, I'm his a-hole.
Could it be? Someone's gotta be his a-hole, right?
God forgive me if this is profane talk...but I don't think it is.
I'll be back after I think about it.
Timi is immature.

Delaware is for stupid people.

Timi and I aren't friends anymore. We were talking last night, and out of nowhere, we got into a stupid fight about whether to blame Martin Lawrence or Will Smith for the demise of black family entertainment. I promise you, it was so stupid. I'm trying to be civil about this because we're both mature Christians...but we made it quite clear to one another that we were mutally fed-up. I blame myself. I'm so sarcastic sometimes, and so is she, but when I do it, I guess it's not overtly clear that I am...
Like with the beard, first of all, I was referring to something another friend told me. She said I looked mean, and that she'd cross the street if she saw me coming. That person lives in Lancaster, PA. Not in Deleware (home of the stoop-tards). That was low. But I won't delete it. I'll hve integrity and just apologize.
Then she's all on this tip of TEASING ME BECAUSE I'M A VIRGIN. I am PROUD of my purity. She says that she was joking, but as we all know, every joke has an ounce truth in it...
And for people who know me, you know I'm a raucous, cool, loud kind of guy. But Fran's right. I'm a harmless Teddy Bear.
And what kind of fight is that?! It's perfectly OBVIOUS that while maybe Will Smith's comical characters and askewed TV teen values (sleeping with Pam Grier in one episode) have been questionable, he still stands head and shoulders above Martin Lawrence, who has epitomized the porch-monkey persona in African American entertainment. When was the last time "Maaaaaaaaah-in" ever portrayed a powerful and charismatic civil rights figure? Never. Not unless Black Knight qualifies as black history month, A&E calibre programming.
It all started as a joke, too...and we're still civil (sorry for calling Delware stoop-tarded). But I WISH some of you could have been there to hear the frustrating. I seriously can't see us ever chatting carefreely again...Timi was my late-night AIM roll-dog too...
Ahh well...