I'm Fat. This is a gross post.
Yo, it's not even funny...
this "eggs everyday" and the "miracle of coconut oil" diet my family is on has taken it's toll on me.
I'm FAT.
FAT.
Like jiggles.
I'm shocked more and more each day when I spend my mirror time at what my body is looking like.
God forbid that I go to the waterpark.
Little boys might lust.
It's gross.
And no ammount of sensible excercise works!
I've been walking about 3 miles a day (i slack some days) but when I do walk, it's always at least three miles (the driveway is 1.5!
I haven't been out to play ball in a minute, but that's because i'm pooped by the end of the day.
Twice last week, I made a run to Home Depot for floor tiling materials Both times, I bought over 500lbs of dry grout or joitn compound or underlayment.
My brother Noah thinks that the beauty of the diet is that it makes you truly healthy, and not necessarily sexy-man-sexy.
But I...I want to be sexy-man-sexy.
It doesn't make any sense! AND...AND. I'm drinking at least a WHOLE gallon of water a day. And I don't eat sugar!
Or white flour.
Whatever.
This sucks!
But I still love myself, and I still do the "deet deet dance" on my way in and out of the shower.
When I take a shower, I freak out. Like I did when I was 4. Like my 4 year old brother does now.
I'm a different person in the shower. I host radio shows. I freestyle and lik shots.
I'm not a deep and spiritual shower person. Sometimes I write scenes in the shower.
Stop picturing me in the shower, yo...that's nasty. Literally.
Okay...don't think of pink elephants...
Right. So...
Think of me on the toilet.
I do my deep thinkng on the toilet.
I'm not like most Christians. God doesn't speak to me in the shower.
He speaks on the toilet. Isn't that gross?
Well that's when I'm mose vulnerable, I guess.
Or maybe becuase when it comes to Christ's Body of chosen believers, I'm his a-hole.
Could it be? Someone's gotta be his a-hole, right?
God forgive me if this is profane talk...but I don't think it is.
I'll be back after I think about it.
Timi is immature.
posted by Puddleglum at 11:18 PM
2 Comments:
now you're sounding like a woman, we're the ones supposed to stress over weight problems. i'm also unhappy with my weight at the moment hence the drastic measures i took: no meat for a month, gallons of water a day, no bread, no chips (i'm not sure i'll pull that off), walk up all stairs and never use the lift (i'm yet to start that!), and the list goes on and on . . .
8:36 AM
Ya dang heretic. Yeshua's a-hole, are you serious?! lol, I guess I answered my own question.
There is one advantage (well two) to being hefty: firstly, fat skin is supple skin, i know this first hand and secondly, you can eat aaaaall the eminems you want! Ok, maybe that's just exciting to me.
I dunno Adam, God has us Michellin man looking for a reason. Humility maybe?
You gotta teach me the 'deet deet dance' too.
11:15 PM
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