Ain't NOTHING easy about Sunday morning...

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

King of the Wild Frontier

What a walk-through-and-touch world we're in, right?
I hate Perier. Why can't I remember that before I drink it?
I killed a racoon today...
Prepare yourself for a gruesome tale:

In Texas "'Coons is good eatin' "
and Doug, a guy who got hired and fired before I ever came to the ranch left a brand new 50 dollar coon trap in the shed. Coons and sheds and ranches. Oooh Weee! Anyway, I'm the east coast newbie who moves to Texas and decides the 'coon trapping is cool. So we "trapped us a coon." Well said coon stayed int he trap for a few days because Nobody had the guts to "put it down" and then dress it and prepare it.
But Noah was way more into the coon meat than I was, so he kept the thing in the cage for a few days and gave it some tuna and water. How humane.

This is one FIESTY coon, by the way. It growls and hisses and reaches its paws outfot he cage to scratch anything within three feet of the cage. Sucka, Danga, Danga.

Anyhow, I get home from the post office and Peter yells across at me:
"Adam, come see! Noah shot the coon with the nailgun three times a half an hour ago, and it's still alive!"
And so it was...
and even an hour later, and three more shots with the high powered air-powered nailgun wouldn't put it down...

So Noah and my dad decide to kill it like a chicken. And now we know that Daniel Boone and Davey Crocket weren't into coons for the style...that skin is tough, and it was near impossible to slit its throat. Even after a slice to the jugular it panted and heaved and gurgled. So I grabbed a nearby mesquite branch (it was handy because Noah was simultaneously cooking some barbacoa (beef cheekmeat) on the grill), and I smashed the coon's skull in...not like a club...more like taking a blunt 2x4 and jabbing it like a spear. Blood spurted everywhere, including on my shoesoles and my jeans, but in 2 minutes, after some twitching, the coon was dead.

The grossest measure brought about the quickest relief. Mind you, none of us likes to torture aniumals. We're ironically anti-firearms (so far), so the nail gun seemed to our un-ranched minds to be the swiftest way to kill the ambuiguously rabid animal without opening the cage. Oh boy.

And it's taken Noah about an hour to skin the thing.
I'll let you know how it tastes...

Be Reconciled.
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Blogger Me said...

Racoon killer! Don't let the ASPCA see this post. :-P haha.

Man, that is just disgusting. *gags*

11:23 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

:/ Wackala!


12:16 AM

Blogger Revolt said...


You....murderer! (c) Simba (from Lion King 2)

1:16 AM

Blogger Khristi Lauren said...

Oh man Adam, that was so funny! You are an official Texan now. Who has stories about trapping and killing a racoon? You can't get that kinda action in the tri-state area I tell you. No, sir.

2:29 PM


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