Ain't NOTHING easy about Sunday morning...

Friday, October 22, 2004

So here's my problem.
This is a REAL problem. It's not a stab at false humility or a compliment-fishing...
Ready for the problem...?
I outdate myself.
I forget things about myself.
There's a verse in the Bible about a man who looks in the mirror, walks away and forgets who he is..
I'm that man.
I have scores of verses and scripts and short stories that I know I've written..
but I don't remember writing them.
It's like my dreams..
I dream things before they happen, but then I don't realize it until those things happen,
so it's not too terribly useful.
Back to the issue...
As a result I become horribly disdainful towards my own work..
If I can't even remember my own shniot, what makes anyone else?
Case in point, I can watch my own video work for inspiration.
You better believe it.
This one short called "Eve" tears me up EVERYTIME..
and it stars my sister, another close friend of mine, and my ex-girlfriend.
I don't remember making it, but the dialogue shocks me everytime, and it gives me the same sickening
almost repentant feeling...
Remember Sammy Jenkis, okay?
When I read my own writing, it feels like I'm teetering on the brink of some revelation that's meant for everyone but me.
When I read my own writing, I feel like I'm PRYING.
Like I'm nosy...
I remember seeing on AE Biography (when I was like 12) that one time Michaelangelo struck a statue on the knee and said: "Speak!"
It's kind of like that...
I'm not the one writing these things...
And it's not everything I write...but the best stuff is just out of this world.
Another thing is that when I write something, by the time someone esle sees it (if ever) it's OLD...not just in time, but in relevance. I may write something today, and by the time I show it to someone, I (along with all the cells in my body) have all I'm not the same person..."
Could this be a good thing?
James 1:23-24
Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.


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